Last night there was an exercise in class that had a good lesson on trust. It is another example of how important it is to strive for truth, even when the truth is not “acceptable”. Two students were working and they were having difficulty expressing their real opinion about the other, mostly because that opinion was negative and they didn’t want to have a negative opinion about their partner. After all, we’re all acting students. We should get along, right?
This suppressing of expression built up and built up and then exploded out in a burst of negative emotion. It was traumatic and unsettling for everyone in class. But once it came out, the air started to clear.
So what’s this about “trust” then? Many times, to really express how we’re feeling, we feel like we’re in a safe environment. We need to trust that the other person isn’t out to get us. Part of what made the exercise difficult for the students was that one of the students was saying the “right” or “correct” thing (something like “I’m sorry that you’re upset”) but that didn’t match his behavior at all. When there is a disconnect between what the other person says and the behavior, we inherently don’t trust that person. The more intense the situation, the more personal the behavior is, the more important it is to be as upfront as possible about how you feel about it.
This holds true even when how you feel is the opposite of political correctness. If you find you are prejudiced (I think everyone is, but that’s the subject of another post!) or racist or sexist or anything else that is “unacceptable” in society, it does no good for you or your partner to keep that in. When we interact with people in a normal everyday setting we are politically correct because we don’t have to stay in that interaction. But acting is much more like being locked in a cabin with someone. If you’re really doing it well, you don’t pull away from them. And that means that the sooner you get everything out in the open, the sooner you can move on to something else.
In my experience, it is so important and humanizing to share a moment of intense, politically incorrect opinion and then see what lies beyond it: what is the human reaction to that weakness or bigotry? If both actors are working from the agreement that they are not out to hurt the other, then from that moment will spring a very deep connection and understanding in both of them.
And the alternative to not getting your opinion out is…? Hold it in? Wish it weren’t there? Try to change it? All of that just brings your attention back to yourself as you try to manage this inappropriate opinion. No good. Get it out there, get the monkey off your back and move on. Focus on what it does to your partner. That will allow you to move to the next moment.
And if what you say and matches up to your true opinions, then your partner will trust you, even if he hates you (in that moment!)